I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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