She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
