you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
