Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
