There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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