god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize