He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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