We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
