i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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