I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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