worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
