She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
