We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
