Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
