You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
