There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
