I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
