playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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