I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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