The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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