I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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