I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
