I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
