Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I died a long time ago.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
