after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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