At least make sure they are 18
Why
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
