There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
