i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
