That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
