theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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