Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
