PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
