sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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