Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
