i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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