you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
