chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
