This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
