omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
