There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
