We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
