sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
