someone threw a dead crab at me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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