Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
