She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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