tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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