I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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