if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
