My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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