you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
