I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
