I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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