Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
