You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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