I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
