Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
