Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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