She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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