Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
