so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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