The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
