if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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