I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
