Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
