Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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