the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
