actually, I'm a sock model
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
