Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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