Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
