just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
