Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
