you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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